oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
