I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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