dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
