he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
