Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
