I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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