he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
