Ketchup is God's man juice
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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