so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
