Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
