is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
