I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
