U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
