Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
