Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
