I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
