You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
