Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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