Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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