i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i think i just lost a toe
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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