Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
