if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
