life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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