I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize