I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
