what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
