I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Panties = found
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
