we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
