dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
