Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
