the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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