I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
