96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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