Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
