Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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