I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
