Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
