i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
