He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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