I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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