he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
