at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
