3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
