I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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