too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
