explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize