I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
