I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
