Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
