we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
