you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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