Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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