did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
