i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
