before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
