i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
