do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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