I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
