His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
