Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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