"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
