ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
