yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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