he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
