Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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