She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im part way to drunk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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