Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've blown a few things in my day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
