I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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