I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
