i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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