Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
