I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
