i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize