I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
