So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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