New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
