Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So apparently I’m into choking now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
